Chassidic Rabbi

by Rabbi Benzion Cohen

July 14, 2010

This column is devoted to love. I just spent five days in Bloomington Ind., participating in a family reunion. Some of our family I saw a year and a half ago at the last reunion that I attended, and some of them I hadn’t seen for even longer. I am happy to report that there was a lot of love in the air and many other mitzvahs too.

On the way to Bloomington I stopped in Brooklyn to see my son Shmuel and his wife Chaya and their three children. I haven’t seen them for a year and a half. This was also a special experience. Now I am in Buffalo, N.Y., visiting my son Mendel, his wife Shira, and their two children. Baruch Hashem that I delight to see my children and especially my grandchildren.

There are many types of love. Love between husband and wife is a wonderful thing. However, it doesn’t come easy, as evidenced by the high divorce rate. Anyone who has been successfully married for ten years or more will tell you what is involved. First, we have to make a big effort to understand the opposite sex and to figure out how we can make them happy. The Torah teaches that men and women are in many ways opposites. (John Gray discusses this at length in his many books on this subject.) Then we have to work hard to overcome our selfish nature and devote ourselves to making our spouse happy. This may include making money to support the family, taking out the garbage, taking her out to eat, just listening to her when she needs to talk and so forth. When things get rough, we have to pray hard and get wise and experienced counseling. With the help of Hashem and a lot of hard work we can have a beautiful marriage.

Another type of love that requires hard work is the love that parents have for their children. To raise children is in general not easy. One of the hardest parts is being a good example. If we want our children to grow up to be good people, we ourselves have to be good people, and that isn’t easy. If we want them to try to improve themselves, then we have to always try to improve ourselves. This is in addition to changing diapers, helping them with homework and devoting a lot of time and energy trying to get them the best Torah education possible.

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