Chassidic Rabbi

by Rabbi Benzion Cohen

June 16, 2010

The last day of Pesach has a special connection with Moshiach. Before sunset we gather together for a special festive meal. The Baal Shem Tov called this meal "The meal of Moshiach"

This year at this meal I told a story that happened to me many years ago. I was having a hard time with one of my teenagers. One day I got a brainstorm. "Ah!" I told myself. "This will solve the problem. I'll buy him a one way ticket to anywhere in the world. He'll live his life, and I'll live mine, and peace will reign on all of Israel."

After enjoying this idea for a few minutes, I suddenly caught myself. What had happened to me? I love everyone, everyone but my own son!? You can't be a Lubavitcher if you don't love every Jew, including your own teenagers. Either I love my kid, or I turn in my Lubavitch badge.

I made the smart choice, and decided to love my son. But how? He had been a teenager for three years already, and was really getting on my nerves. Again I made a wise choice. I went and spoke to some wise rabbis about learning to love teenagers.

They explained to me that deep inside us is a very precious and holy soul. I have to love my son because of his essence, his soul. My love for him has to be absolute, unconditional. If he gets on my nerves, that is my problem, not his. Instead of getting upset with his behavior, I should work hard to try to understand why he (and many other teenagers) behaves like this.

I took their words to heart. In addition I studied some of the Chassidic texts that explain the deeper meaning of love. After two weeks and a lot of effort, I began to feel some real love for my son. And lo and behold, his behavior started to improve! Teenagers may seem to be very tough, but they still need lots of love from their parents. (Even adults need love from their parents.)

After the meal, one of the guests approached me. She said that my story had really touched her. She was having a similar problem, and maybe I could give her some advice and try to help her. We sat down, and she told me her story. She is 70 years old. The only close relatives that she has in this world are her daughter and two grandchildren. For the last ten years she hasn't felt any love for her daughter, and she hasn't seen her or her grandchildren in seven years. When she heard my story a glimmer of hope passed through her. Maybe she could also make peace with her daughter and love her again.

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